It's the last day of the month and actually 9 weeks since I made the decision to go Alcohol-Free but to make like easier I am using the end of each month to mark my milestones instead of having to count weeks. It just means I will have actually been Alcohol-free for longer at each milestone but who's counting? :-)
I went to pick up my new car in the morning and as soon as I collected it I put all the relevant paperwork and spare key in my locked filing cabinet all very organised in alphabetical order, so I don't have the drama of needing to pay for a new spare key 3 years from now :-/. I'm not posting pics of the car as I hate when people post on Facebook things like "New Whip", "Oh my god look what my husband just bought me", and "Range Rover must love me, I'm always swapping my car" etc. It just feels very cringe and nothing more than showing off. Also, cars really don't float my boat, they are just something that gets me from A to B. I am more impressed by the tech inside like the displays and phone/music sync capability etc. I'm only even acknowledging it in my blog so I have it a record of where the hell I put the stuff when I come to hand back the car as my memory is shocking. That's another reason I am trying to capture my memories in a journal-style blog. I seem to be able to recall things from my childhood in great detail but ask me what I ate for dinner yesterday and it's just not there.
One thing I am doing since giving up alcohol is looking into the reason why I used to drink. A lot of it was for confidence because despite how I come across, I am actually not very confident in public scenarios. So I am trying to put myself into situations that I would normally shy away from and would use alcohol as my crutch. I am terrible at making idle chit-chat with people I don't know, so I am forcing myself to start up conversations with people when I go o events etc. I usually ask someone else to find out directions for me or speak to a member of staff about something.
I spoke to a friend Jenna the other day and she asked "so are you not going to drink again ever?", "No" I replied. I felt as though she was secretly mourning the loss of Drunk Neil lol. I don't think I will miss drunk Neil, I am just going to take his better qualities (confidence mainly) and give them to sober Neil. I can leave out the bad ones for sure. I reminded her what Rupaul says about confidence and that I am going to work on that. He says "The confidence you have in drag is available to you out of drag" and it's the same with alcohol. If you can be confident and not care about what people think when you've had a drink, why can't you do the same sober? I would like to think I have a big personality already so I don't need to rent one from alcohol for the night. So I just need to work on not worrying about looking foolish in front of people or what other people think. It's probably something that has been drummed into me throughout my life, that "what the neighbours might think" mentality. Well, that's not my narrative anymore. Nobody actually really cares what you are wearing, if you sound bad on Karaoke, if you dance like nobody is watching etc, and those that do, aren't worth worrying about. I've always envied people who just get on the dancefloor and make a fool of themselves and really don't care. I'd always be too self-conscious that I would look stupid, and that's probably why I never went as far in Oldham Theatre Workshop as I possibly could have.
I am really looking forward to lots more self-reflection and growth over the next chapter of my life. I am hoping to become the best version of myself. I am bound to have moments when I am far from that and I am sure someone will be there to point them out to me lol. I do know I need to work on my patience, especially with my mum, and not get wound up when she asks me for the hundredth time what her iTunes password is, but I'm trying. :-)
I've loved getting back into reading and set myself a challenge to read 12 books in 12 months. I only started in Feb and I am not on book No.5! It's surprising how much time you waste when you could be reading instead. I have created a Book Club List on Amazon where I have added the books I have already read, as well as ones that have been recommended to me. Feel free to check it out HERE. Also, any books or items purchased from my Amazon shop will generate a small amount of revenue (pennies) towards The Virtual Tavern funds. So if you are a regular Amazon buyer, it would be awesome if you send me the link to the product you were about to buy so I could create an affiliate link for it and send it back to you to purchase it from. It's the same price etc, but they just reward the affiliate with a commission (in this case The Tavern).
I used to do a lot of creative writing when I was younger but it just fell to the side for some reason. I think I have a folder somewhere in the loft with short stories and poems in it, I'll have to dig it out. I suppose my blog is currently my outlet and I'm enjoying it as it also acts a bit like therapy with the added bonus of I can just prattle on with my daft self and nobody interrupts lol.